unsung heroes of Mother’s Day
Listen. I am wiping my eyes already as I type. I am always so very emotional when it comes to certain days and Mother’s Day is definitely one of them. It is a day that I am thankful that I am a part of and that I have a Mother to celebrate.
Mothers like myself are hardly ever forgotten. I get texts, calls, gifts, facebook posts, and all kinda shit on Mother’s Day. It is something I have grown to love and feel proud about. And I was gonna get on here and talk about my journey to motherhood but my spirit stopped me. I want to honor all of the Mamas who have non traditional paths to motherhood. I know it is a celebratory day for most, it’s also a day tainted with grief for those who have lost their mothers, women or mothers who struggle with losses and or infertility, mothers who have buried children, or those who’ve experienced damaging childhoods. And if any of those are your experience, my heart goes out to you. I remember you. You are not forgotten.
All “mothering” should be honored, biological or spiritual. It is not only a biological parent that can reach “a level of love and self-sacrifice,” so here I share with you my words of affirmation to the unsung heroes who deserve recognition on Mother’s Day.
Grannies: Thank you. You probably spent the second quarter of your life working and raising your own babies. Little did you know that for whatever unseen reasons, you would be raising your own child’s children too. These youngins need something stable to hang on to—a cultural connection, a sense of their own past, a hope for their own future. Most of all, they need what grandmamas can give them. Your unconditional love is so unmovable that regardless of how difficult, this is not a decision you regret making. You are the matriarch of the family. There’s nothing like Grandma’s hands. I honor you.
Aunties: Aunties are always the faves. You are a relief for your nieces and nephews. You love them as your own children but keep all the secrets. Thank you for pouring into the village. Being a shoulder and a refuge for the parents and the kids. Showing up whenever you are needed to babysit or put a bandaid on a booboo. The first adult best friend that most children have. I appreciate your guidance.Thank you for standing in the gap. I honor you.
Godparents/Your Mama’s friends: Good friends are hard to come by and when you have friends worthy enough to be called God Parents, it speaks volumes. God Parents serve as that extra pair of hands/set of eyes and ears and help provide a stable foundation. Even if it’s a “bring that baby on over here, and get you some rest,” the opportunity for support that is given when a proper GodParent steps up is a blessing. Like really, promising to raise a baby in the event that something happens to the parent?? A lot. I honor you.
Mamas of Angel Babies: YOU ARE A MOTHER! Let’s start there. If you carried life, you are a mother. Don’t ever let anyone take that from you. I really hope your heart allows you to celebrate this day. Celebrate yourself. If anyone deserves to celebrate it’s you.
Masculine Presenting Mamas: I know it is hard to be you in this fucked up ass world of stares and whispers. But thank you for being an example of how to be you in a society that tells you what a mother should be and look like. May you be an example of perseverance in the midst of adversities. I honor you.
Transwomen/Non-binary Mamas: Non cisgendered mothers don’t get the recognition that they deserve. After weathering such a transition saying “Happy Mother’s Day” to a mother that happens to be trans cause provide such words of affirmation. You deserve it. It is not only about diversity but just the bond between a parent and child. Regardless of what you are called mama, daddy or whatever else.. I hope that love around you is constant. I support and I honor you.
Stepmamas: I am sure being in a blended family has its adjustments. Thank you for being a bonus parent. Loving your partner’s children as your own. Sometimes it takes a while for everyone to get used to but for the most part with love, understanding and patience, all is well. I honor you.
Foster/Adoptive Mamas: You are amazing. Not only do you provide basic needs for you child(ren), but I imagine that you sit alongside them as they digest the hurt or damage that they may have undeservingly experienced. You are there to answer all the questions. Providing a life and standing in the gap also to show up for those children. You are an angel on earth. I honor you.
Mamas that are Incarcerated: You are not forgotten. Life is hard and I refuse to pass judgment like I haven’t made some fucked up decisions in my own life. Please know I am on the other side praying for the strength of your relationship with your children and hoping you come home soon. I honor you.
To the rest of the Village (teachers, counselors, mentors, neighbors community members): We are all in it together raising the future. We are responsible for these future makers. Please let’s make sure we support each other. It takes a village to raise a child.. AND a mother. Thank you for all that you have done. I honor you.
I hope you felt loved and cared for. I hope you felt it in and through my words. I am sending love, light, healing, and comforting spirits to you. Please take what you need.
Love,
Your Doula
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To my own Mother, Starlene :
Thank you for being on this journey of healing with me. Journey of acceptance. Journey of forgiveness. Journey of reparenting ourselves. Journey of unlearning and relearning. I love you so much, Mama. You are truly my best friend.
— Tren
