eenie meenie miny moe ; picking the right doula
Have you ever heard the saying “everything ain't for everybody”? That shit is real.
But guess what is for everybody?
AN HONEST DOULA!
When I do consultations, I always end with telling my future clients to sit with what we went over and to let me know if they have any questions. That also gives me time to sit with everything as well. When a family hires me, we choose each other. I think it is important for our energies to align with each other. If it doesn’t feel right, I will absolutely decline the offer but still help that family find a supportive doula.
I know that sounds a certain way but, I want to give families the best that I got and baby, if that spirit ain’t right, I will not give them what’s needed. Ain’t no room for ego, cause we gotta get a baby to earthside. I know you are like “Tren, wtf are you talking about?”. Village, I want you to be a little more pickier. LOL!
When people are getting married, most people don’t just show the fuck up and be like “we getting married right now”. Some of yall’s weddings do look like that BUT that’s besides the point. LMAO. Anyway, people will take a whole 2 years to prepare for one day. When picking a wedding planner, so much research is done and will usually interview more than one to make sure one is fit for the job. Why aren’t births treated that way?
Plan this birth day with someone that is passionate about what you are paying them for. There are so many times I watch TikTok videos of doulas and be like… “Girl how in the fuck are you a doula?!” I know that TikTok is a space for content and everybody wanna be noticed and ‘go viral’ but it is so painfully obvious that some of these mfs are not safe. I really feel like that is because a lot of people are on this bandwagon of being a doula but not knowing the work that comes with it. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the exploding Black birth workers trend because we need us. HOWEVER… everybody aint safe. Everybody is not a good person. Don’t let people hijack your journey and use your birth as trophies. Some people just wanna be needed and recognized. All forms of doula care should be unconditional, non-judgemental, and respectful of all births and choices. We should do the best in providing informative care about the safest, desired choices for you and your experience.
All doulas have their own personalities, philosophies, and missions. It is necessary that you trust their experiences, feel comfortable with them as a person, and their outlook on birth should resonate with you. I have a few questions for you to ask. Ready? Write this down.
Here are a few questions to ask your potential doula ;
Why did you become a doula?
Do you love being a doula? What do you love about it?
Are you trained/certified? If so, who did you train/certify with? If no, why not?
(I don’t think certifications are necessary BUT, training is)
How do you feel about medicated births? Do you support them?
Do you specialize in something else as a doula?
There are so many doulas that specialize in other specific things like yoga, massage, and are really good with rebozos. Please watch out for doulas who go outside of their scope of practice like offering cervical checks or any other medical procedures. That’s an automatic “hell no”. Run. Shit.
How do you handle long labors?
How many births have you supported?
Experience is everything but we all gotta start somewhere. Most new doulas are so enthusiastic about supporting a birth. If you are comfortable with the doula but are not comfortable with their lack of experience, ask them if they have a mentor or a community that they can go to if confronted with situations they are unfamiliar with.
Are there any particular birthing spaces that you don’t attend?
Sometimes doulas may avoid working at a certain hospital or space due to negative, unsupported, or traumatic experiences there. That can be helpful also with choosing where you want your birthing experience to take place.
How will you incorporate my partner?
There are so many questions you can ask them. I think these are very important questions and will give you a feel on what is best for you and your family. I know I always feel like the best doula for you but I promise, if I know someone that can care for you better than me, I will tell you. Why? Because you are my family and I want to make sure you have the absolute BEST care for all your needs.
So after the interview is over, you should be standing there like Tyra’s ass with them cards.
Make the best choice for YOU! I love you, Village.
OOOOH. And before I go, I gotta say thank you. I really love you, Village. You’ve been right by my side for the longest. I know I have missed a few months. Shit… a lot of months but I am human. Remember, this shit is personal for me. I could easily throw this shit together but I’m not on that. I am an honest doula like I mentioned earlier.
Listen, yesterday me and Harlow was listening to “Break My Soul” and I was about to cry. LOL! That song is an affirmation, you hear me? LMAOOOO! So yeah, I have just been soooo busy. I always tell you to take breaks when needed so I had to do the same. I tend to check in with you every Monday but my shit is gonna be random from now on. When I feel it, I want to give it to you. Fuck all this scheduling. I hate it.
I love you so much, Village. Yes, I am saying it again. I am just so grateful for you. And also, my clients because they have poured into me this week. Baby… ain’t no village like the one I got. I hope your weekend was amazing. If you need anything, please hit me. You know where to find me!
Love,
Your Doula
