Girl… and?! ; Birth Shaming

Ok, lemme start by saying that I am one that supports all choices. How you got your baby here is how you got your baby here. But, you wanna know what is not talked about enough?

Birth shaming.

I am not sure if that is what it’s called or if I just made that shit up. But what I DO know is… it’s that it’s a thing.

When I was pregnant, I remember suddenly talking about labor, birth, and babies all the time. Like with older women, women who wanted to have children, women who had babies, new mamas and even old mamas. Baby… just everybody. After asking all of the usual “What are you having and how far along are you” questions, people would unprovokedly share their birth stories. After I had my daughter, I didn’t give a fuck about what somebody else did. So many times when I would share my birth story which included an epidural, a spinal tap, and a c-section, I would get funny ass looks. I never thought anything of it. Some years later, once I decided to become a doula, I would listen to birthworkers, midwives, doulas, and other women talk. There’s this subtle or superior attitude that comes with saying “I had my baby naturally”. 

Excuse me, what?

What is a “natural birth”? Do yall even realize how that sounds? Since someone needed medication as a resource does that mean their birth was unnatural? And hell, maybe they didn’t need to but made the choice to get medication, does that make them less of a mother/parent? No. 

I remember feeling like I was robbed of something because I got a csection. I literally resented my baby because I felt like I didn’t experience birth. I was induced and had a csection due to a medical emergency. My body was in so much distress that I wasn’t allowed to feel contractions. Listening to people talk about their “natural” births made me feel like my body was not capable or like I cheated my way into being a mother. But you know what? Fuck that. And fuck feeling that way. I somehow made peace with my experience. I did what any mother would do,. I made very hard choices to better my chances of me and my baby making it out alive. 

I don’t care how you decide to get your baby here. I will not judge you. This is a doula that supports ALL births (except unassisted ones). But you know what I will do? Give informative care. All I can do is give you the risks, the pros, the cons, and possible outcomes. State all the facts. However, you are NOT less than any other mother or parent. Stop beating yourself up. You are still dope as hell and fuck what anybody have to say. If they do say some crazy shit to or around you, fuck them. 

Now I don’t want anyone hitting me up saying that I don't support unmedicated births, because I do. But I don’t support passive aggressiveness and bullying. 

That’s essentially what it is : bullying. 

If you would like to discuss different birth options or “pick my brain”....

Please schedule a consultation with me.

Love,

Your Doula